i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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