Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
