i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
