I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just cropdusted the office
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
