lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
