i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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