it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
