Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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