This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
