I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
