Where is the hickey?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
