I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize