Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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