he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
