too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
