How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
