I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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