just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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