dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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