he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
