I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
