I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
