just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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