brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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