I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
