If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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