OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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