Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
