I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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