I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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