perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
