im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
