I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Moan for me like Helen Keller
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
