omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
