You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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