I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
