why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize