Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize