your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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