We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
