Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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