yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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