Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
