About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was confusing and full of hummus
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize