I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
