it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
