I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
