hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
