My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
