yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
