I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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