Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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