Don't make out with my wife yet
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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