You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
