she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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