that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
