dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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