Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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