it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize