My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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