she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you didnt know i had herpes?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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