I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize