Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They are going to name an STD after you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
