he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
