What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
