just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
