I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
