some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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