Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
