let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
