i can't believe i had my finger in that
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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