some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
