My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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