So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
