You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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