well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
