So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
