Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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