god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
