Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
