oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
