just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
