Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
