hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
