He passed out mid-signature
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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