Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
