Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
