oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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