so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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