He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
