I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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