yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
