Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
false alarm. still invincible.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
