i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
