i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
