My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
