Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
