I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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