i jhust puked up my retainher.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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