i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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