Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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