toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
