I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
