Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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