I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Randomize
